The idea that ego -destroying shame comes from experiencing the badness as reality–from psychic equivalence –explains nearly everything that has really puzzled me in human behaviour in pretty much everyone, including myself.
If you have no emotional skin, then you will go to great lengths to avoid the devastation of such intense shame.
I came home after walking a student home and felt suicidal. Previously, I would have had no real idea what this came from. Nothing is particularly wrong. I came home, had suicidal thoughts, and realised I liked being home, so I felt ashamed.This goes back to proximity-seeking as being shameful as well. I felt ashamed, the stress of it caused regression, I had no emotional skin, shut down the feeling and only had the thought left as a clue.
It’s no longer mysterious. I don’t know what to do about it, but it’s a start.