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I went.

Not being an intake, it wasn’t quite so overwhelming. The same kind of thing came up in the beginning: Tell me some good things about your childhood.

Of course, I remember the girls and I miss them so badly.

She steered the conversation away after asking me about it briefly. (I cried.) I didn’t think of it this time as shutting things down out of discomfort. I saw it as easing into difficult things.

The memory thing came up: she commented that my memories are fragmented, which is true. To me, that feels like the issue. They are fragmented. I think they need to be formed into coherent wholes, and it’s hard to do that alone. It can be done, but I feel so tired.

I don’t know what she thought about that, but it seems to me that explained to me what she was noticing about the memories I told her about.

She gave me some referrals for other people who are more experienced than this. She said she’s only been a therapist for 4 years. Well, I have seen experienced people who still didn’t know what they were doing.

This time, I felt cared about. I felt she was listening and thinking about things and while we weren’t going into a lot of depth and it still did cover a lot of ground in a short amount of time, which does tend to be triggering, but I felt she was with me in some way that felt good.

I feel really hopeful.

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