We are approaching the end of a school year. I was there since mid-February. Not quite 4 months. I’ve been meaning to look for a new gig, and have been exhausted, overwhelmed and sick instead.

It seems like the job in Country X I thought I pretty securely had for 2017 is nothing short of my imagination, which may or may not be the result of an anti-foreigner immigration policy. (Foreigners are coming and taking our jobs is not an exclusively American attitude, it turns out. Neither is “They are coming and destroying our culture.”)

It’s hurtful, because it’s a small country. The population of the entire country is less than the student population in the Los Angeles school district. When we departed, the assistant Prime Minister of Education sat down with us over dinner and warmly thanked us and hoped we would return. It ends up feeling personal because of the smallness. I feel betrayed in a way that LAUSD would never bother to even give the appearance of.

It also means I feel a lot less confident about being able to find a job in a private school than I had felt before. I intend to do it, but I may need to do it in spite of feeling less energy and hope about it.

There is something else going on aside from that. I started off wanting to say that it’s kind of a mid-point in the calendar year. One thing is ending and it’s time to begin some reassessment and to do some course correction. It’s a natural thing for a teacher to experience anyway. People on academic calendars typically reassess life in the way that the rest of the world attempts to on January 1st.

So that’s where I am at today. Re-assessing. Reflecting. I am also taking in some of where I am at psychologically. Who am I now? Bits of me I hadn’t understood before are becoming clearer.