One thing about the anniversary is that I am really sensitive, really easily triggered, and once one trigger gets me going, I am more sensitive to the next one, and it can take me a long time to feel normal again.

So VP Ma’am called me this morning, and it was at a sensitive moment, I was doing something for C at that moment, so it triggered me. It took me about 3 hours to calm down and feel normal again, and I was just thinking, “Great! Now I can really get some things done. I am in a settled place. I have tons of work to do, and I can do it in a state of calm.”

But no. She called again, this time sounding anguished, asking me to help her put some pictures into her document. She started off with the same thing, “I know you must be busy.”

Indeed, I am. Mostly trying to be sane again.

I don’t know why she triggers me so much, but she does. It’s always like the icing on the cake. Life is going to hell in a handbasket, then she appears and I lose my mind completely.

I want to kill myself. She really does make me feel that way. I want to find a big rock and bash my head in.

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