Venting

I need headphones. Mine broke and I was idiot enough not to invest in new ones.

I will tell you what I hate about Country X.

People yell. All the time.

They argue about everything, because they take everything personally.

They make noise for no particular reason. Drop a stack of books, start banging on the table, sing, whistle.

That upsets me for my own reasons.

However, then they tell you how peaceful their country is and how happy everyone is. People are killing themselves either quickly (suicide) or slowly (alcoholism) at what must be the highest rates outside of the former Soviet Union. Domestic violence, sexual violence, and child abuse are rampant. But they are happy. They are not happy. They have never actually been to a place where this is not going on.

This has got to be the most miserable, violent place I have ever lived. And it’s not just because it doesn’t happen to suit me.

Something is really, deeply wrong. That is a different issue.

I just hate exam period, because they have free time, and I spend my days in a state. No matter what I do, I am trapped with them. And I cannot calm down or get any work done. All day.

I am going to lose my mind. I have to buy headphones. That’s my own fault. But I hate being trapped in a room with all of this noise and all of these emotions. And I hate that I cannot calm down. All day long.

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4 thoughts on “Venting

  1. Rachel June 22, 2016 / 11:21 am

    This sounds awful. Being trapped (whether because you’re in charge, or for whatever other reason) when triggered is so difficult. I hate it. And I hate extraneous noise and when people aren’t mindful. I hope the headphones come quick.

    • Ashana M June 22, 2016 / 11:26 am

      I went outside for a while and stared at the rain. I was okay again sooner than I thought I would be, and they shut up. I think it used to take me a lot longer to calm down, and sometimes it was just really hopeless, because something else always happened.

      • Rachel June 22, 2016 / 11:26 am

        That is a nice feeling and pleasant surprise, to realize it doesn’t last as long!

      • Ashana M June 22, 2016 / 3:35 pm

        It was a huge relief, because the reality turned out to be somewhat in between hopes and fears.

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