Bad news

I got an email today from the office in the Capital City saying that, due to changes in immigration rules made last year, those of us who have already been here for 3 years will not be able to stay.

I don’t know what I will do. I really, really don’t. I thought I had more time to consider all of the complications.

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17 thoughts on “Bad news

  1. Rachel April 28, 2016 / 10:49 am

    How long have you been there? I thought only 1.25 years?

      • Rachel April 28, 2016 / 1:12 pm

        Shoot.

      • Ashana M April 28, 2016 / 4:30 pm

        Fuck. 🙂

      • Rachel April 28, 2016 / 9:49 pm

        Fuck is right! Damnit too.

    • Ashana M April 28, 2016 / 6:10 pm

      If your therapist moves up an appointment, how do you feel?

      • Rachel April 28, 2016 / 7:40 pm

        Shifts my time? Angry, scared something is wrong or it means she hates me. When she tells me why, then it’s usually no anger but just fear and abandonment.

      • Ashana M April 28, 2016 / 8:58 pm

        I changed C’s time and I wondered how it would feel to her. She seemed better than usual. I don’t know how she will feel later though.

      • Rachel April 28, 2016 / 9:18 pm

        Often it hits me later. But maybe she will be fine. It is always so unpredictable (for me).

      • Ashana M April 28, 2016 / 9:24 pm

        I think it’s that feeling that actually your needs don’t matter. You are just a pawn in someone else’s game. I sent a message before I came up, so that at least she knew what to expect. It’s possible Thursday is actually a better day to come, because it divides the week better.

      • Rachel April 29, 2016 / 10:47 am

        Right! Exactly, sometimes I get furious at her because I feel like she isn’t respecting me. Just tossing me aside. Which is not the truth, but it is derived from that pawn feeling you speak of. Hope it went well, just saw that you posted. I look forward to reading that post.

      • Ashana M April 29, 2016 / 12:42 pm

        There is a certain amount of autonomy and separateness even children are entitled to, especially in Western culture, where we go through the motions at least of implying someone has a choice about cooperating. When your autonomy was not recognized in that way, then I think you become really sensitive to that. I think this has been huge with C, and was really hard for me to navigate because of the culture, but really it helps her to have autonomy and to be given appropriate choices pretty much all the time. It took me a long time to realize that. If I want her to see me, then at least I can let her pick the time. Changing your session time takes some of those choices away–like you already chose and now you don’t get your choice anymore. As a child, you really weren’t respected in an age-appropriate way. There were so many attacks on your dignity.

  2. desilef April 28, 2016 / 10:22 pm

    No words for this. I am so sorry.

    How badly do you want to stay? Is there anyone you can consult? Are there any exceptions, e.g., you have an adopted daughter? Is the 3-year limit for a lifetime or, if the school wishes to offer you a new contract, is it possible to go to India for a brief time and then return and start the three years again?

    Holding you and C in my thoughts.

    • Ashana M April 29, 2016 / 5:28 am

      Badly, but I don’t know that I have any option. Lots of people have adopted relatives of one kind or another. This is not necessarily understood as being a big deal, so it isn’t that persuasive. People who know her situation I think realize, but others don’t. They don’t see it as extending beyond financial support which she actually doesn’t particularly need and which I really can’t give if I am not here. It will not go to C. I can go away for a year and come back, but it’s unlikely I will be placed back in the same area as C. Thank you.

  3. Ellen April 29, 2016 / 4:39 am

    I am sorry to hear this news Ash. Hoping there is a way around it…

    • Ashana M April 29, 2016 / 5:43 am

      Me too. I am so upset I can’t think straight.

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