Today is a packed kind of day. We went to the Holy Site at lunch time to give them money and get a blessing from the head monk who is saying the prayer there at lunch. So I spent the morning teaching, my lunch and the hour after lunch worrying about whether I was holding the white scarf correctly (no), bowing correctly (no), and things of that nature. It’s fairly nerve-wracking for me.

Then I taught class for another 2 hours. There was football game afterwards (C’s friends—I feel guilty leaving at half-time, because I would never leave her game at half-time unless I were about to drop dead of exhaustion). I got to sit next to the principal. Yippee.

Then a teacher who gave birth to a premature baby last month (the baby died within minutes after birth) is back in town. We are going to give her money. I presume this counterbalances the cost of dinner and beer she will give us.

I was already overwhelmed in the morning.

I started thinking about the future yesterday. Like, the longterm future. How will I retire? How long can I stay in Country X? How will I take care of C? It terrified me. Still does. I have an idea the future never seemed so real before, so it didn’t scare me, even when I thought over similar dilemmas. (I don’t have enough retirement savings. I have a college loan. Now I have responsibilities on top of that.)

I didn’t sleep well because I got unnecessarily scared over a Facebook post of C’s that was really nothing much. I knew it was nothing much, but it made me think for a minute, “I don’t know where she is.” Then I couldn’t seem to pull out of the terror, even though I knew all was actually well. I didn’t sleep until 10. Then I woke up at 4 am. I need a lot of sleep in the best of times.

So it wasn’t a great day. It wasn’t the worst day, but it wasn’t a great day. And it isn’t over yet.


4 thoughts on “Packed

  1. Rachel March 9, 2016 / 8:08 am

    Quite a packed day, indeed. I find that very packed days are difficult, in terms of maintaining emotion regulation. Is this the case for you? And thinking about the future.. that stirs up a lot of emotion that is hard to really sit with, especially alone.

    • Ashana M March 9, 2016 / 8:16 am

      They are terrible, but a little easier now. Too much to process too fast, then I can’t calm down to sleep. The next day is harder because I am catching up on processing life and I’m tired on top of that. Luckily, today is a holiday, but I expect it to be intense in a different way.

      • Rachel March 9, 2016 / 9:10 am

        Well I hope the day goes as smoothly as possible, and you have time to rest soon.

      • Ashana M March 9, 2016 / 5:29 pm

        It was a great day. Now I just need to unwind. 🙂

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