My head is oddly quiet. I seem to be between thoughts. I am just meandering now. I suppose that’s a nice change. Nothing head-breaking.

The day before yesterday, I had a long talk with C. Or rather I talked and she fought it. Did I say this already? I don’t know, but I am still mulling it over.

If I tell her I won’t leave her, she feels sad. She doesn’t want to think about it all. I get the sense of another shoe dropping, or the expectation that the other shoe will drop at any second.

I ask her what she feels when I tell her I love her. She says she wonders if that’s really true. It’s heartbreaking.

I don’t really know what to do.