Sad

The truth is that I am just so sad. I am so sad I feel exhausted from trying not to be sad. And I don’t know how I can keep being so sad every single day. I wish there was some way to skip being sad, but there isn’t. It has to be done.

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5 thoughts on “Sad

  1. thefamilyof5 November 4, 2015 / 10:35 pm

    It does need to be ‘done’. It’s a process. Think of it as a stepping stone, once you get past the SAD stones, you’ll get to the CONTENT ones 🙂
    Hugs my friend, your never alone x

  2. ridicuryder November 5, 2015 / 12:43 am

    Ash,

    As usual, my take on this is a little goofy. The sadness blanket is heavy and sorta musty, but after a while it seems so familiar, so personal that there is a sweetness to it. Right now it doesn’t feel this way because there is this tremendous oppressive burden to it. You’re only burdened by it so long as you are trying to stand erect under it.

    Let it murder you.

    When you see it as a friend, you understand the blanket wants to flatten you against the ground so that the only way out from under it is to become a liquid. A fluid state is the only way to slip out from under the blanket…some of you will saturate the blanket (you will never completely leave each other). Your fluid outside of the blanket will eventually reform a new self. Some of your old self stays behind and is now intermingled with the blanket, but you have made it different / transformed it so that this new scent it has…is a different bond between you. The blanket wants to be transformed by you as much as you want to breathe differently outside of it.

    I hope this makes sense, I know what it is like to feel locked in place. The thing I continually ask myself when I’m stuck is: “How is this situation directing my transformation?” To paraphrase Carl Jung: “What you resist persists” The oppression isn’t there to oppress you…it is there to indicate the life you have been living is over…make a new life or stay stuck.

    You are already well underway with a new life.

    You still need to bond with the blanket differently. Remember, this powerlessness you feel is there for the blanket as well…it has absolutely no defense from the sweetness of you…invade it.

    Love,
    Mark

    • Ashana M November 5, 2015 / 4:27 pm

      Somehow, it got better. It was like I needed to work out a think which involved things that happened to have sad elements to them. Then it was okay. I don’t know what life holds though.

  3. Ellen November 5, 2015 / 5:28 am

    Sorry it is so rough Ash. Sometimes the only thing worse than feeling the sadness is not feeling it. Take care.

    • Ashana M November 5, 2015 / 5:35 am

      That is exactly it. Thanks for understanding.

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