Today is my birthday.

This morning, it feels utterly unbearable. I miss Nata. That is really the hardest part of it. There are other traumas connected to the day, but the loneliness without Nata seems to be the strongest feeling.

Nata was splendid with birthdays, and I miss her.


12 thoughts on “Today

    • Ashana M June 10, 2015 / 6:02 pm

      Thanks. It’s a very mixed day.

  1. Ellen June 10, 2015 / 6:42 am

    I am sorry Nata is not there. I still want to wish you a happy b day if I may. Take care.

    • Ashana M June 10, 2015 / 7:30 am

      I made pancakes to share at teatime, and that cheered me up a lot. I seem to be able to have shorter crises these days I don’t know what the day will be like, but I seem to totally break down for a few hours a day and then feel better, which is huge. There are 4 10-year-olds who want to come to my house after school. It should be interesting. 🙂

      • Ellen June 10, 2015 / 7:34 am

        That sounds good! Smaller breakdowns are good – everything is relative, right? Mmm…pancakes – my childhood favorite also. 🙂 Glad you will have company today.

      • Ashana M June 10, 2015 / 6:01 pm

        Yes, smaller breakdowns are good. Then there are other feelings in between.

        I wish I were all alone actually. It makes for a long day keeping it together.

  2. desilef June 10, 2015 / 8:09 am

    Nata would be so glad to know you’ve lived another year.

  3. Cat's Meow June 10, 2015 / 8:18 am

    I hope that the day is as pleasant as possible and that the next year brings much more healing.

    • Ashana M June 11, 2015 / 5:30 pm

      It was more pleasant than expected, if overwhelming.

  4. Kelly June 10, 2015 / 8:49 pm

    Hope you have a good day.

    • Ashana M June 11, 2015 / 5:30 pm

      Mostly, it was, which is progress. I am usually a disaster.

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