I think part of what is behind the door is the experience of not understanding.

Farzana and I have do thing to each other that I don’t like. We have to do it for the cameras, but I don’t understand then—I was five—what it was all about. I don’t understand the purpose of the cameras. I don’t understand why I have to do them. I don’t understand that Farzana doesn’t like it either. I don’t understand that the whole thing is not her idea. It’s terribly confusing, and the sense of betrayal is enormous.

Nata comes, and we have to do the same things, but then I do understand it. Maybe mostly because she emotes. I know her position about the whole thing. I know she hates doing it. I know she wishes she didn’t have to do it. I understand it’s not her decision at all.

Farzana hates it too, but she is stoic. It is over with, and she goes on with life as though it never happened. And so I have no way of understanding anything.

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