Cookies

So it was Valentine’s Day yesterday. I almost didn’t notice it, but two of my Country Xer friends remembered and said something about it.

No one else did.

Also, I’m too preoccupied to do anything about a certain amount of junk email I still get.

And I have been thinking. Something has been nibbling at my brain.

Gingerbread cookies. Gingerbread cookies have been nibbling at the edge of my mind. Natalya made heart-shaped, gingerbread cookies one year. They had red sprinkles on them.

I remember the precise taste of them, the exact texture. It is like the memory of them has been kept in a box and so it is still fresh.

I wonder sometimes if we knew what our relationship was. Or was it something kept separate and apart from other kinds of knowledge? I wonder more what it was for her, because my whole life was in boxes: my boxes were so big they might have been houses.

Was it for her?

And I think it wasn’t.

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4 thoughts on “Cookies

  1. michelleatplay February 15, 2015 / 11:37 am

    I have a memory that is so very visceral of glazed sugar cookies my grandmother made for a Thanksgiving party at my school. I’ve never had a better cookie than that one. I don’t know why it is such a deeply seeded memory.

    Can we ever know what our relationships are until we are long past or far into them? And as we change and time goes by, what was, turns into something different.

    • Ashana M February 15, 2015 / 12:25 pm

      Tastes can be so evocative that way. Tastes and smells.

      I think they were such a surprise to me. First, because they conveyed such a romantic sense–I was in 7th grade and sleeping with her was in kind of a box in my head. It didn’t occur to me for her, it wasn’t in a box. It was something ongoing.

      But there was also the gingerbread and the unexpectedness of gingerbread and Valentine’s Day. I’ve never had a better cookie either.

      • michelleatplay February 15, 2015 / 12:31 pm

        The sorting out of the past is never easy, but for you, my friend, it can be nearly impossible.

      • Ashana M February 15, 2015 / 12:38 pm

        It’s so much better when it involves cookies though. 🙂

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