Latest Entries
Autobiographical writing / Child abuse / Dissociation / Psychology / Sex trafficking / Trauma

What I didn’t get to say

I don’t really know what would help with this. I’m thinking about this, and something inside says blanket. So I hug the blanket for a while. I play Russian lullabies. I find a Russian Christmas carol and that helps too. I doesn’t really help enough. I am not okay, but I think less about ways … Continue reading

Uncategorized

Connection

Assembly was in the National Language today and for bits of it, I tried to understand—from time to time, I miss something important when I don’t pay attention enough to at least know when there is something I need to know and don’t. Mostly, my mind wandered. I watched the students to make sure they … Continue reading

Uncategorized

Shared history

I didn’t really know how things were hitting me yesterday. I was really busy, and I seemed to be okay. Then I came home and after a while I just started crying and eventually I went to bed. It seemed easier to cry cuddled up in blankets with the lights off. Yesterday was a different … Continue reading

Uncategorized

Ever since

After I left my parents’ house, I set about trying to understand what life outside of hell might be like, what the possibilities for it were, how you make this kind of life work. There was a point when what I seemed to be learning about it began to seem impossibly, unbearably bleak. I don’t … Continue reading

Uncategorized

Bees

The lights came on today. I don’t mean literally—although that happened to. The electricity was out in the morning, and after about three hours, it came back on. But I don’t mean that. I mean for a little while today, it stopped feeling like I was living in the dark. It was a pleasant morning—a … Continue reading