Latest Entries
Autobiographical writing / Child abuse / Dissociation / Psychology / Sex trafficking / Trauma

What I didn’t get to say

I don’t really know what would help with this. I’m thinking about this, and something inside says blanket. So I hug the blanket for a while. I play Russian lullabies. I find a Russian Christmas carol and that helps too. I doesn’t really help enough. I am not okay, but I think less about ways … Continue reading


The line

When I first started seeing the last therapist I had before leaving the land of on-demand psychological help, I said something about people being willing to harm others—that everyone has a point when they will. She said she never would. I didn’t believe her. I still don’t believe her. All it told me was that … Continue reading



We have three more days of holiday, then two days of work, then three more days of holiday. Finally, classes will start after that and I have to be ready for a deluge of work. But today is the King’s birthday, or it was yesterday, and we celebrate it for three days. I helped with … Continue reading


Worth less

I dreamed that Nata and I had moved in together. We were young and broke and settling into our first apartment. It was tiny—a studio without even a visible kitchen—and we hardly owned anything. I used to dream of a composite figure of everyone I had been close to—all the ex-girlfriends, the ex-wife, my sister—all … Continue reading